Calm Your Mind

4 Simple Steps to Take Back the Night for Sleep

Many of us have intrusive thoughts during sleep time. The blitzkrieg of news in the last month is making this even worse. Yet these thoughts interfere with getting the healthy sleep we need to withstand change, making the whole situation even harder to deal with.

We may be so busy during the day that there’s literally no time to think things through as we need to, or night thinking could be a long-term habit, or be from a particularly eventful period in life. Today I’m sharing four steps to calm your mind so you can rest.

First, Define Sleep Time as Only for Rest
A good way to think about sleep time is that it serves an entirely different purpose than wake hours, and is even “time out of time.” In other words, during the day we take care of our roles and responsibilities, but during the night we set them aside in order to rest and restore. We do not take those wake time responsibilities to bed with us. Re-define sleep time as time you are ‘off-duty,’ even from thinking things through. Give yourself permission to take this time for yourself, for recovery. You worked hard enough already. (Of course there are exceptions, like when we must care for children or ill adults during the night).

Second, Put Your Thoughts to Rest
An hour or two before bed, take 10 minutes to write down the thoughts that tend to come up in the night, with the intention of “putting them to bed.” The writing can take any format, from a full sentence narrative or problem-solution chart, to simple thought bubbles or even a drawing. Then have an enjoyable wind-down for the remaining time before bed. It may take a little practice to learn what thoughts need to be discharged with the journaling, and to learn this internal limit setting. Journal every night for a month so you have the chance to figure out what works for you. The goal is to ensure time to process worry during the day, so it’s been taken care of, and does not need to emerge during sleep hours.

Third, Thought Stopping
If thoughts arise in the night, do some gentle thought stopping along the lines of “I already thought about that, and will have time tomorrow, now’s time to rest.” Come up with your personal phrase that really speaks to you. It’s important that this phrase really hits your heart with the power of truth. A rote mantra or platitude that you don’t actually believe won’t work. Another that people have shared is “I worked hard today, and take care of my business. I can pick that up tomorrow morning, after wake time.”

Fourth, Do a Sleep Promoting Practice
Now that you’ve “kicked your thoughts out of bed,” do a sleep-promoting activity instead. Do this any time you realize that you are awake in bed, either at the beginning of the night, or in the middle. This is also a skill, and different strategies will work better for different people. Choose the one that appeals to you the most and use it regularly for a week. Then, if need be, try another strategy until you have an effective one. As you use that strategy repeatedly, it will become associated with sleep onset, and will work more quickly.
- Tell yourself a gentle story, maybe a favorite book or movie from childhood. Review the same story in your mind night after night as your “bedtime story.” This is my personal favorite. I love to go fruit picking, so made up a story of a family going apple picking. I only ever think of this story either when teaching, or those few nights that I’m awake in the night. After falling asleep to it so many times, the family hardly decides to go apple picking and packs their lunch before I’m asleep. They hardly get out to the car, and never to the orchard.
- Do progressive muscle relaxation starting with the toes and working slowly towards the head. Tense an isolated muscle group for a count of 7, then relax it. Go slowly with the goal of being asleep before getting to your head. This is a great strategy who feel physically restless in addition to the racing thoughts.
- Visualize yourself falling asleep. Bring in as many senses as possible. You may use a time you recall falling asleep, or create a visualization maybe of falling asleep in the sun, or in a hammock, or during a nap.
- Do a gratitude practice or prayer. Focus on the good things in your life, the things that make you happy and content. (Avoid any problem solving or planning). Some people have shared doing this alphabetically, and report always being asleep by G or H.
- If you wake from a dream, purposefully go back into the dream and let it carry you back into sleep.

Practice
Do these four steps consistently every night. Work with them. Experiment. Learn what works best for you. Then you can decide whether this is something you will do every night, or if it’s a tool that you’ll use just when something particularly thought-provoking happens. Doing this process consistently will help you learn to set your thoughts aside so you can sleep.

You’re Invited!
This year let’s get together and talk sleep regularly. Once a month we’ll gather via zoom for a deep dive on a specific sleep skill. On February 23rd at noon ET we’ll talk about How to Create a Sleep Healthy Lifestyle. Come learn the eight daily touch-points to strengthen your circadian system and improve your sleep. Comment below or send a DM if you’d like to join in!

Sleep well and dream big,
Dr. Catherine Darley

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